All posts tagged: humor

Elf vs Hulk

Elf On The Shelf’s Costly Christmas Caper

Once upon a time there was a little elf named Olivia. Not surprisingly, Olivia the Elf loved Christmas. One year, Santa sent her a magical little elf which she named Melfy. Melfy had a great run for approximately two years before he mysteriously disappeared. Unbeknownst to Olivia, her parents ordered up a new elf and secretly replaced Melfy. (That was back when all the Elf on a Shelf elves looked the same.) Of course, the moment the new Melfy arrived, the old Melfy decided to make an appearance. And so Olivia’s parents made the executive decision that Olivia’s little elf brother, Evan, was now old enough for his very own elf. Evan the Elf named his magical elf, Dragon. Melfy and Dragon had tons of fun for several years. They wrestled super heroes, and even survived a fire. Well, not really a fire, but Melfy’s collar got burned and Dragon’s chin looked like he was attempting to grow a goatee. That’s what happens after a day of hanging from the chandelier…literally. Stick to the shelf, …

The Snoop Dog Rap: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

This week’s writing challenge: The Best Medicine is an invitation to “Poke fun at yourself, write a limerick, find the absurdity in a real-life situation, come up with some groan-worthy puns, sketch a comic, put some fictional characters in a farcical situation — all’s fair in comedy.” Obviously I don’t have a humor blog, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to use this photo I took on my recent trip to The Smithsonian’s National Zoo in Washington D.C.! New to the neighborhood, walking down the street Wondering ’bout the neighbors I’ve yet to meet Got my dogs on the leash, poop bag in hand My sneakers on my feet, to avoid the sand Loving the weather, loving the breeze People so friendly, bless you when you sneeze Pet owners walking toward other owners Business suits, runners and even stoners All give the nod, the slight shake of the head Says it’s damn early to be outta bed. Size doesn’t matter, we’ve all heard it ‘Cept when your dog drops a tiger sized sh*t. Pooping …

Weekly Photo Challenge: Escape

ESCAPE: THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE DISTURBING Escape. A word that stirs up an endless array of meanings, both at a standard level and a deeply personal one. The mere sound of it whispered softly in one’s ear can ignite the senses of sight and sound propelling us down a road of movie credits, song lyrics, and novels – each a story all its own.                                                       EACH A STORY ALL OUR OWN. As I sit here eyes on my computer screen ready to share my thoughts on this week’s photo challenge: Escape, I realize for many the computer screen is a form of escape…a portal by which we connect with others through a social media peephole of photos, status updates, pins, blogs, and tweets. The Good For myself as a writer it is a common means of escape. The irony isn’t lost on me as my fingers fly across …

Identify Your “Training Wheels” And Smile!

We’ve all met at least one person who treads a little lighter than the rest of us, who grabs life with both hands, experiences it to the fullest. It’s not that they are irresponsible adults. It’s just that their approach to life in general is different from most grown ups. They don’t allow themselves to get caught up in the details. They don’t over think. They just breathe in life’s moments, filling their lungs with each experience, and letting every inch of their body feel the joy life offers. Is it a personality trait inherited from some gene passed down to them from a life loving parent? Or, is it something they learned along the way? As a kid, I remember being fearless. Yet, now I over think riding a Roller Coaster as I imagine endless frightening scenarios all of which leave my two children motherless in the end. As I climb aboard, buckle my seat belt, then check and double-check it, I’m silently berating myself for being so careless as to agree to this …

Weekly Photo Challenge: Forward

It was a hot, blustery day and his penetrating gaze was making me even more uncomfortable. I saw him eyeing me the moment I arrived, but dismissed it as curiosity to see someone not of his kind around these parts. He dared to make eye contact with me, and I took that moment to take him in as well from his large eyes not seeming to miss a single detail to his leathery skin and slow manner. I spent the morning slowly wandering the neighborhood, his neighborhood, taking in every detail of his environment. I felt the heat scorch my skin with every calculated step I took as I tried to place a comfortable distance between us. I was definitely a foreigner in these parts, and not accustomed to his forward ways. No matter which path I took it wasn’t long before I felt a presence, and turned to find him mere steps behind me once again. Did his kind not understand the concept of personal space?  Every step forward took me down another path of beautiful scenery and a newfound …

Pearl Jam meets WrestleMania

As a mom, there’s nothing sweeter than seeing your kids showing each other some love. Those moments when they are hugging each other and smothering each other in sweet smooches is priceless. However, on more than one occasion that loving moment can quickly turn into a full-blown scene the likes of which WrestleMania can only aspire to achieve. The eerie thing is how quickly it can take a downward spiral into the depths of screaming and torturing. I have witnessed my two children perform this incredible feat several times and each time sit in awe (after I have intervened and sent them to their separate corners) at how two human beings can so quickly fluctuate from love to what I know in my heart is not hate but paints quite the picture of all things hate. There is nothing worse than being in public when the love fest begins because I then find myself holding my breath waiting for the tables to turn, especially when some complete stranger takes an interest in the two little …

There’s Something Strange In The (WordPress) Neighborhood!

Some strange happenings have been occurring all across the WordPress arena lately. It is all mysterious enough to not only get my attention, but if I was a Great Dane with a speech impediment let’s just say my van would be sporting a “Don’t Bother Knockin” sign and I’d be calling for back up. Here are just a few Twilight Zone-ish events: 1. Someone didn’t find Ad-libb3d funny, and had the audacity (great word) to insult him. Who doesn’t find Ad-Libb3d funny? What are you from Mars? 2. My reader format was abducted by aliens and replaced with another life form that is nowhere near as friendly. 3. That same reader used to show a blogger’s sweet smiling face (or mug shot depending on the blog), but they have all been shrunk to pin heads! *Side note: that’s why I started this post with a BIG ASS PHOTO of myself. I was thinking of inviting you guys to join me for BIG ASS PHOTO FRIDAYS in hopes of getting the WordPress gods attention, but that might be too “in …

Holiday Sharing Blogger Challenge

Challenge: Write a post that mentions other bloggers while also mentioning some of your own posts as well. The trick is to incorporate it into your post in a meaningful way. It can be in the form of a story, a letter, a conversation…get creative! Then post a link to your post in the comments below. Don’t forget to link to the bloggers and posts you reference so everyone can reap the benefits of just a few of your favorite things. Give the gift of sharing and share this challenge with other bloggers! A Blogger By Any Other Name… I’ve only been blogging since September 11 of this year. I had been jotting down some random thoughts and sharing them with a few folks, but that day I was compelled to share my thoughts with a wider audience in a formal way. Maybe it was the significance of the date since my first post here was about the meaning behind the red circles on our calendars. Maybe I just wanted to be around more people …

What? You Like My Blog? Piss Off!

“Nice shoes.” “Great hair.” “Love your outfit today.” All fine compliments, and all compliments that would bring a smile to our face, brighten our day, make us stand a little taller. I’m five foot two and half and I’ll take any opportunity for a little more height, but it’s more than that. A compliment is a positive thing to be shared and received in a positive light. You wouldn’t respond to any of these compliments with a “Piss Off” or a “How dare you?!” would you? Okay, well if you would then maybe you should stop reading and check out my top posts on the right side bar. In the blogging world there are awards. I’m sure you’ve seen the One Lovely Blog Award or the Very Inspiring Blog Award, to name a couple. When I first started my blog, I was fearful the blogging world would be an extended gripe session for those whose friends banned them from Facebook, a larger canvas for those from Twitter who couldn’t describe their gripe in 160 characters …

Connecting the Dots

The past few days, I have been reminded of the age old childhood activity of connect the dots. Once all dots are connected you see the end result. At times, it makes you smile and others it leaves you wanting and feeling a bit ripped off. In life though, how do you connect the dots, when you can’t see the next dot? As a kid, I never gave connect the dots a second thought. Never considered the next move as I eagerly made connections from dot to dot safe in the knowledge that eight would always follow seven. I couldn’t go wrong when each step was so clearly numbered for me. But now…the steps aren’t always clear. If you start connecting dots in the wrong direction, you alter the end result. Each dot seems a crucial part of the big picture. The first reminder of this childhood game came while I was homeschooling my 1st grader. He had to connect the dots, each dot representing the answer to a math equation. Before he even started, …