All posts filed under: Humor

Science of Parenthood 6

How the Science of Parenthood Can Save the Holidays

“Everything we ever needed to know about parenting we learned in middle school math and science class … only we didn’t realize it then because we were too busy chasing boys to actually pay attention to whatever the teacher was going on and on and on about. But we must have absorbed something through osmosis … or is it photosynthesis? Well, it’s definitely one of these “ois”’s or “esis”’s because once we caught our boys (er, husbands) … and then, incredibly, gave birth to two more, it all came back to us, like in one of those pricey SAT prep courses. Turns out, those smarties Newton and Einstein and the rest of their science and math geek pals not only understood how the world works, they knew a little something about what it’s like to be a frazzled, sleep-deprived parent who’s just one PBJ shy of going all Linda Blair in that head-spin scene from The Exorcist. If you’ve ever wondered how a kid can possibly lose so many Star Wars thermoses — at $16 …

Rubber Meets Pavement, Fat Personal Trainer, Fat2Fit, Running Shoes

WANTED: FAT PERSONAL TRAINER

JOB TITLE : FAT PERSONAL TRAINER JOB ID#:4866 JOB TYPE: Personal Training Position Type: Full-Time Regular JOB PURPOSE: To provide a comprehensive one-on-one educational fitness program to assist client in REALISTICALLY achieving their fitness goals without spending half a day at the gym EVERY day and eating like an effing bird. Those who can currently eat their weight in bread and not gain an ounce need not apply. You’ll just piss off the interviewer.   JOB DESCRIPTION As a FAT PERSONAL TRAINER, it is your responsibility to provide a comprehensive one-on-one health fitness program through realistic goal setting and education. Produce independent exercises by providing the client in-depth information on equipment usage, lifestyle management how to quit stuffing their face, and ultimately how to shake the fatty mentality that is ever present outside the gym.   ACADEMIC REQUIREMENTS: The qualified FAT PERSONAL TRAINER must possess at least five years experience and hold a personal training certificate from a recognized provider or a bachelor’s degree in a sport and fitness-related field. Trainers without either must acquire a certification within six months of …

Elf vs Hulk

Elf On The Shelf’s Costly Christmas Caper

Once upon a time there was a little elf named Olivia. Not surprisingly, Olivia the Elf loved Christmas. One year, Santa sent her a magical little elf which she named Melfy. Melfy had a great run for approximately two years before he mysteriously disappeared. Unbeknownst to Olivia, her parents ordered up a new elf and secretly replaced Melfy. (That was back when all the Elf on a Shelf elves looked the same.) Of course, the moment the new Melfy arrived, the old Melfy decided to make an appearance. And so Olivia’s parents made the executive decision that Olivia’s little elf brother, Evan, was now old enough for his very own elf. Evan the Elf named his magical elf, Dragon. Melfy and Dragon had tons of fun for several years. They wrestled super heroes, and even survived a fire. Well, not really a fire, but Melfy’s collar got burned and Dragon’s chin looked like he was attempting to grow a goatee. That’s what happens after a day of hanging from the chandelier…literally. Stick to the shelf, …

Don’t Drink, Don’t Smoke? What Do You Do?

Good morning! I’ve guest posted over at Sincerely, Paula and am giving away 2 SIGNED COPIES to 2 lucky winners! Follow the link to check out my guest post, “Don’t Drink, Don’t Smoke? What Do You Do?” and enter to win! Share the love and let your friends know about it! Sincerely, Paula: Guest Post and a Fabulous Giveaway!. Photo Source Previous Posts by Little Miss Wordy: Frame of Mind Has Magazine Prettiness Replaced Real Life?

The Snoop Dog Rap: Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

This week’s writing challenge: The Best Medicine is an invitation to “Poke fun at yourself, write a limerick, find the absurdity in a real-life situation, come up with some groan-worthy puns, sketch a comic, put some fictional characters in a farcical situation — all’s fair in comedy.” Obviously I don’t have a humor blog, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to use this photo I took on my recent trip to The Smithsonian’s National Zoo in Washington D.C.! New to the neighborhood, walking down the street Wondering ’bout the neighbors I’ve yet to meet Got my dogs on the leash, poop bag in hand My sneakers on my feet, to avoid the sand Loving the weather, loving the breeze People so friendly, bless you when you sneeze Pet owners walking toward other owners Business suits, runners and even stoners All give the nod, the slight shake of the head Says it’s damn early to be outta bed. Size doesn’t matter, we’ve all heard it ‘Cept when your dog drops a tiger sized sh*t. Pooping …

Red Circle Days Book Review

When CrazyMeetsExhaustion dedicated a blog post to reviewing Red Circle Days. Here’s what she had to say about it! It has been months. Maybe even a year. But I’ll never forget being moved to tears over a blog post, and leaving a comment begging the author to write a book because her words were so beautiful, so poignant. I wanted more. Is it any surprise that the author bought a sponsor ad here on WhenCrazyMeetsExhaustion, became wildly popular, and published a book?* *Events may not be listed in sequential order.  Leah Vidal’s work appears weekly on her blog, Little Miss Wordy. Her writing covers a range of topics including current events, health and wellness, parenting and daily tribulations. While she enjoys writing about each of these, she is most at home when adding a personal element to a broad topic by sharing life’s little moments…those that plant the thought-provoking seed of self discovery. She believes it is these moments that are life’s biggest lessons. Enter: Red Circle Days. I downloaded Leah’s book on a flight to North …

It’s Like Giving Birth On Christmas Day And Having The Easter Bunny Stop By! Red Circle Days Is Out!

There are moments in our lives that are imprinted into our very soul. Moments that don’t require a photo album or memory book for us to revisit them time and time again. Some may bring to life the very feelings of sheer happiness they brought the day we experienced them. Others bring the heart wrenching sorrow we spend years trying to erase. These are moments that don’t need a reminder or a red circle on a calendar date, our hearts wrapping around them much like the tiny box on a calendar, keeping them contained only to bring them to the surface each year. Red Circle Days is a collection of those moments that I will forever carry with me, thought-provoking moments and stories which have left an indelible imprint on my very soul. Red Circle Days has been released, and is available on Amazon, Kindle, Nook, the Apple iBookstore, and Sarah Book Publishing. Book signing dates and locations will be announced shortly! A huge thank you to all, from WordPress for the user-friendly platform to showcase …

To The Woman In 14B…Thank You And I’m Sorry

I’m sorry I almost killed you. It was never my intent. As I sat watching passengers parading up the aisle, and worrying over who would occupy the seat between myself and the man in 14A, you stopped just short of our row and ever so politely asked me if I would mind letting you get to your seat. I practically jumped with joy out of 14C feeling like I had won the travel jackpot to rival all jackpots. You were of average weight and height, had impeccable manners, minimal perfume on, weren’t carrying a bag of Fritos, corn nuts, a tuna sandwich, or a screaming toddler to sit in your lap. It’s not that I don’t like Fritos or Tuna though I’ve never had the two together. I do hate corn nuts, but I am a mother of two so I get the screaming toddler traveller…been there done that. It’s just while my husband sat in a different row with our two children, I planned on pulling out my brand new MacBook Air and pretending …

Identify Your “Training Wheels” And Smile!

We’ve all met at least one person who treads a little lighter than the rest of us, who grabs life with both hands, experiences it to the fullest. It’s not that they are irresponsible adults. It’s just that their approach to life in general is different from most grown ups. They don’t allow themselves to get caught up in the details. They don’t over think. They just breathe in life’s moments, filling their lungs with each experience, and letting every inch of their body feel the joy life offers. Is it a personality trait inherited from some gene passed down to them from a life loving parent? Or, is it something they learned along the way? As a kid, I remember being fearless. Yet, now I over think riding a Roller Coaster as I imagine endless frightening scenarios all of which leave my two children motherless in the end. As I climb aboard, buckle my seat belt, then check and double-check it, I’m silently berating myself for being so careless as to agree to this …

Mindcrap…I mean Minecraft. No, I really mean Mindcrap.

My children are both obsessed with a game called Mindcrap…I mean Minecraft. If you aren’t familiar with it, lucky you. No seriously, you have no idea what you’re missing. It is a cross between playing with a box of blocks and playing with a box of blocks…just on your laptop, iPod, iPad, Xbox etc.  According to Wikipedia, Minecraft is a sandbox indie game originally created by Swedish programmer Markus “Notch” Persson and later developed and published by Mojang. Wikipedia also goes on to state, “Minecraft is an open world game that has no specific goals for the player to accomplish, allowing players a large amount of freedom in choosing how to play the game.” And herein lies my main problem with this game. It has no specific goals!!! When my children were toddlers I encouraged them to play with a box of blocks for hours on end with no specific goals. They are now seven and ten years old and these new Minecraft blocks and the “box” they come in aren’t cheap. I’m all for being creative and allowing time for free play. I have …